I was wanting some good yummy food, I picked Chinese, I am too upset, I just ended up getting sick after, but I got a nice shot of the fortune cookie. :_
The day finally came. I thought I would be prepared for it, but I am not. I got the call letting me know, my grandmother passed away. I honestly just froze. It has been very hard for me for the last several hours. I want to cry my eyes out but the tears don't come, there is sadness and so much pain. I have questioned everything. Was I good grandchild? did she know that I loved her?, did I do all the right things? Then I become selfish and sad because I know, I will never hear her voice, I will never hear her call me TC. we will never laugh together, She's gone.
I know she is at peace and I know she left when she was ready and I know in time I will heal. I know life will go on, but today, I am just trying to be ok. I have great friends and family. My very good friend is the only one I am taking calls from. She knows what I need. I don't want to sit and cry about it to everyone. I want to have my mind off things. I want to be sad when I am alone and I want to be happy when I am with others.
Monday is her viewing and the rosary, Tues is her funeral. I can't believe she is gone. The woman who showed me what unconditional love is, the woman who let me know I belonged to this family...is gone. I hurt and can't think straight, so I am off to go and do something mindless, like watch tv.
*hugs* My condolences, TC. I know this is hard. The questions are normal, but I have no doubt that she knows you love her, and you were a good grandchild. Don't beat yourself up over the what ifs. Take the time you need to heal.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs, I am sorry for your loss. As Amy says take warmth from the feelings you have inside not the what if's. I did not cry when my Dad passed away but I did that the time to surround myself with warmth positive feelings I had. I also let time bring back all the memories I had forgotten or tucked away.
ReplyDeleteTake care
Si x