I am in a somber mood but much better than I was last night. My grandmother was given her last rites and she told my Grandpa she is ready to go, and she is going to die. I know that its coming, and I am trying to stay strong but I just couldn't. Last night was just too much for me to take in. I honestly can't imagine my life without her in it. I have decided not to go see her anymore. She is hooked up to everything and she is slowly dying, they have made her comfortable. I don't want the last image burned in my head to be her looking like that. My last image of her, is me and my cousin both hugging her, holding her, telling her we love her, and her telling us she loves us.
I tend not to let others comfort me, because I don't know how to let that in. I don't always know how to let go and just let someone hold me up. I want it, I want that so bad, but I have never known how to ask for it. I end up pushing everyone away from me and dealing with it alone. I make sure I am there for others. I am very capable of being comfort for my loved ones, I just don't know how to lean on them.
Last night all I wanted was the one I love to hold me and just make it all better, I know that its impossible. he can't make it all better. I ended up pushing him away from me and becoming more of a pain in the ass than I already am. He didn't let me push him. I opened up as best as I could. I told him what I needed and he gave me that, to the best of his ability.
Today its been raining all day. Its a very slow day. I looked out the window and saw raindrops and birds flying by. I grabbed my camera and of course the pup tried to get up against it too, she wanted the birds, now I have a window full of nose prints and dog hair, ugh!
These pictures and song are dedicated to the one I love. Thank you baby, for loving me the way you do.
I tend not to let others comfort me, because I don't know how to let that in. I don't always know how to let go and just let someone hold me up. I want it, I want that so bad, but I have never known how to ask for it. I end up pushing everyone away from me and dealing with it alone. I make sure I am there for others. I am very capable of being comfort for my loved ones, I just don't know how to lean on them.
Last night all I wanted was the one I love to hold me and just make it all better, I know that its impossible. he can't make it all better. I ended up pushing him away from me and becoming more of a pain in the ass than I already am. He didn't let me push him. I opened up as best as I could. I told him what I needed and he gave me that, to the best of his ability.
Today its been raining all day. Its a very slow day. I looked out the window and saw raindrops and birds flying by. I grabbed my camera and of course the pup tried to get up against it too, she wanted the birds, now I have a window full of nose prints and dog hair, ugh!
These pictures and song are dedicated to the one I love. Thank you baby, for loving me the way you do.
I'm sorry to hear about your grandma. I think it's the right thing for you to not see her. You've said your goodbyes. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to my grandma before she was in really bad shape, and now my last memory of her is... just awful. But I'm glad I went, because if I hadn't I would have regretted it, because I didn't get to say goodbye.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, you have my condolences. I'm glad you have someone to be there and support you through this.
thank you so much. yeah, I think I am making the right choice to not go and see her like that. We got to have our goodbyes already. I've always been so close to her. Its just hard.
ReplyDeleteI do have great support all around me. :)
I'm so sorry of your grandma's deterioration. My thoughts are with you over the next few days.
ReplyDelete